Our Sith Overlord and Master, Mandaliet, has issued new laws today.

One of which is that canines are not allowed to pee on trees anymore.

This controversial new law goes in to effect this Friday. The Canine Guild is expecting to riot. If you like camping, I suggest you skip it this weekend.

Pee Tree Poster created by Mandaliet.

Roses are red.

My blood is too.

Sometimes I wish…

Your blood was red too.

Masons are slowly dying out on Furcadia.

Like the Scribes before them, their numbers are perishing. Like the Dodo bird, they may soon become extinct.

There have been attempts to bring the masons back into the forefront of society. Gar’s recent vicious battle with them… Emerald Flame’s ill-fated “Love a Mason” day events, and Felorin’s tearful, and heartfelt rendition of “Ode, to a Mason” have all failed to rile up this flock of Masonites, getting them to procreate.

Why?

Because Masons are the newest “Hook up” fad out on the streets.

“Everyone likes Masons,” said Shayde En’Kiar. “They never get yelled at and people think they’re hot. They’re getting more action than DEP’s staff members!”

Night Clubs are hosting special “RAVE against the Beekin” parties wherein Masons are passed around from table to table, building dreams for the oft-drunk members of Furcadia’s seedy underworld. We caught up with a Mason named Shinichi Kudo, who said he’d never heard of this sort of debauchery.

“And if it did exist,” the fluffy little munchkin shouted, turning blue in the face, “I would know because I am the best Mason out there and everyone loves me! I would be THE mason who got the most action!”

He then grabbed his “Girlfriend”- a sock puppet – and then stormed away in a huff.

More on these stories as they develop.

The National Basketball Association of Furcadia is shutting down.

Felorin announced the decision yesterday while wearing a pompous wizard’s outfit and gallivanting around Texas.

“It is with sorrow in our hearts that we must, in fact, close the doors to our esteemed establishment. We know many of you will miss the amazing 2D acrobatics of our athletes; we hope you’ll enjoy the programming that we’ll be replacing it with.”

Felorin didn’t hint at what that entertainment might be, but we’ve talked with several members of the NBAoF, and they’re decidedly upset with the situation.

“Felorin told us that he’d have our best interests at heart!” Center-Guard of the Furrabian Nights YiffSquad said, as he walked out of the building with two skunks.

“THIS SUCKS WOULD YOU LIKE TO VISIT MY DREAM AND BUY MY ALT AND BE MY FRIEND AND BUY BUY BUY!?” shouted the Point-Guard from Allegria Isle’s SpamCannons.

“Alas, poor NBAoF… I knew it, Krap: A thing of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. It hath borne me on it’s back a thousand times, and now, how bhorred in my imagination it is!” Said the Bench Warmer from the Imaginarium BounceyRoundy team.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled news broadcast to bring you this information:

Earlier this week, Underground News reporters stated that Damadar, chief editor (and writer and pretty much everything else for KRAP, ) was in fact Hillary Clinton.

While flattered by this, Damadar feels that it is highly inaccurate and woefully sub-par insofar reporting.

Seen here:

It is obvious to us that Damadar is nothing more than a deranged sociopath we’ve nicknamed, “The Furcadian Strangler”. If you see him, please do not accuse him of being Hillary Clinton, he will almost assuredly strangle you!

(This has been a public service announcement brought to you by Coke and Dr. Pepper. When you’re feeling down, take a big gulp of delicious soda!)

(Remember; the only place to get real news is by digging into the KRAP.)