Archive for the “Sorrowful Fifth Issue” Category

By: El Borracho.

A massive lolcat storm has swept through Furcadia, causing millions of dragonscales of property damage, and has claimed the lives of two. As the number of injured rises to the thousands, Cironir has sent nearly two-thirds of the entire Guardian force to provide assistance to the victims in what President Felorin described on Friday as “a tragic crisis of disastrously cute proportions.”

President Felorin has been criticized by some for his own role in causing the disaster. His DEP (Dangerously Eccentric Party) administration has linked to popular lolcats website I Can Has Cheezburger in several advertisements and official announcements, and the Winter Festival caption contest has been widely considered to be a direct imitation of lolcats.

But most analysts agree that Felorin is not solely to blame for the disaster. Before Felorin’s efforts, 4chan and other *chan slang and culture had reached its probing tentacles into every soft crevice of Furcadian society, and one of the central dieties of *chandom is the great Lolcat. According to *chan tradition, the great Lolcat is properly worshipped on its sacred day of Caturday, though this restriction is rarely observed elsewhere.

Some fans of the *chans, particularly those who accurately refer to themselves as /b/tards, have objected to the enjoyment of lolcats by their sworn enemies, the dreaded furries. Luckily, this conflict has not escalated past a few minor isolated incidents, probably due to it being really stupid.

Within the past few munths, the popularity of the lolcat has exploded lots moar. Dis wave of lolcats is killd teh spelling n grammurz of lots of ppl, and xperts iz predicting no end 2 it in site. Alredy there r 2 deaths bcuz ceiling cat wuz liek “I IZ EET U FACE! NOM NOM NOM” n lots of branez r rilly hert bad to. i thinks my brane iz hurt. o well! wut was i sayin? i forgit!

Comments Comments Off on Wave of lolcats rips through Furcadia, two dead

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: You said you’d write, but you never did! I missed you! ~Your heart.

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: We’ve only got fur minutes to save the world! ~Madonna

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: Dudo Halcyon is pretty fly for a white guy.

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: Did you know Damadar uses the names of people he knows inside his articles?

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: Yes, indeed, you too can have male pattern baldness even if you’re not a male!

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: Furcadia is as Furcadia does.

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: Confucius says man who plays Furcadia is a furry.

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: World of Warcraft is operated by the devil. ~Emerald Flame.

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: Felorin gave me his autograph once.

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: *COUGH COUGH HACK COUGH* <– Who would have thought Cookie Dough is made just like Hairballs?

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: Your lucky numbers are: Cat, Dog, Taiwan, 834, and 24.

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: 42.

Comments Comments Off on Your Cookies, Dey has been done for a whilez nao

Felorin has begun to shed, and it is driving Emerald Flame crazy.

“All day long I run through the house with a lint roller, chasing after his mangy hide!” she huffed, running a lint roller across her apron where Felorin had been lounging earlier. “I swear to the primes that if he doesn’t start taking care of this himself, I will have him SHAVED!”

Felorin has recently denied the attacks from certain sources which state the shedding is, in all actuality, stress related.

“It’s getting to be summertime, you know? And I’m just this cat, see?” he said, mixing up a drink while lounging by the pool.

Comments Comments Off on Felorin begins Shedding

You’ve all heard of Yiffing, right?

You haven’t?

Oh. You were just pulling my leg.

What? A come on? NO, that wasn’t a come on! UGH. You FurN goers are disgusssssting!

Anyway, there’s a new fetish sweeping FurN, and it has even begun making it’s way into Naia Green. (Brought there By Draconise, the Guardian, who seems to have started the trend.)

What is this fetish? Well, it’s pretty gross. It’s even worse than vore, in my opinion, because it doesn’t make any sense.

Cow Tipping.

I’m not going to go into the details here on how to do it, it is far too gruesome and disgusting. If you want the low-down, (and a practical demonstration), whisper Draconise. I hear he regularly engages in this obscene and frightful act with Opportunity, so she, too, could probably give you some information on the subject.

Comments Comments Off on New Fetish Sweeping FurN!

To be honest, we knew this day would come.

We’re victims of our own success, I guess, though we didn’t think it would happen this soon, it has. How frighteningly sorrowful this turn of events is.

To be slandered by a friend, to be taken out back, in the promise of good fortunes and faith…

Oh, how humbling it is, to feel the knife pierce your back; to hear a friend call down the wrath of Felorin in an attempt to have you cast aside from the face of Furcadia like so much garbage from a trash can…

As most of you know, KRAP, your friendly, really awesome paper, has come under fire from a competitor.

They’ve taken to using vile, distasteful tactics in an effort to win your readership. I am, of course, talking about The Underground.

It saddens me to say that I helped, however minutely, to bring this paper into existence. For that, you all have my most heartfelt apology. Please, forgive me what I did in a moment of weakness, and band together with us here at KRAP to move on, move forward, and press out our message of a better kind of journalism, one that our kids can grow up reading with pride!

Comments Comments Off on A day of sorrow.

By: El Borracho.

A massive lolcat storm has swept through Furcadia, causing millions of dragonscales of property damage, and has claimed the lives of two. As the number of injured rises to the thousands, Cironir has sent nearly two-thirds of the entire Guardian force to provide assistance to the victims in what President Felorin described on Friday as “a tragic crisis of disastrously cute proportions.”

President Felorin has been criticized by some for his own role in causing the disaster. His DEP (Dangerously Eccentric Party) administration has linked to popular lolcats website I Can Has Cheezburger in several advertisements and official announcements, and the Winter Festival caption contest has been widely considered to be a direct imitation of lolcats.

But most analysts agree that Felorin is not solely to blame for the disaster. Before Felorin’s efforts, 4chan and other *chan slang and culture had reached its probing tentacles into every soft crevice of Furcadian society, and one of the central dieties of *chandom is the great Lolcat. According to *chan tradition, the great Lolcat is properly worshipped on its sacred day of Caturday, though this restriction is rarely observed elsewhere.

Some fans of the *chans, particularly those who accurately refer to themselves as /b/tards, have objected to the enjoyment of lolcats by their sworn enemies, the dreaded furries. Luckily, this conflict has not escalated past a few minor isolated incidents, probably due to it being really stupid.

Within the past few munths, the popularity of the lolcat has exploded lots moar. Dis wave of lolcats is killd teh spelling n grammurz of lots of ppl, and xperts iz predicting no end 2 it in site. Alredy there r 2 deaths bcuz ceiling cat wuz liek “I IZ EET U FACE! NOM NOM NOM” n lots of branez r rilly hert bad to. i thinks my brane iz hurt. o well! wut was i sayin? i forgit!

Comments Comments Off on Wave of lolcats rips through Furcadia, two dead

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: You said you’d write, but you never did! I missed you! ~Your heart.

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: We’ve only got fur minutes to save the world! ~Madonna

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: Dudo Halcyon is pretty fly for a white guy.

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: Did you know Damadar uses the names of people he knows inside his articles?

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: Yes, indeed, you too can have male pattern baldness even if you’re not a male!

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: Furcadia is as Furcadia does.

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: Confucius says man who plays Furcadia is a furry.

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: World of Warcraft is operated by the devil. ~Emerald Flame.

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: Felorin gave me his autograph once.

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: *COUGH COUGH HACK COUGH* <– Who would have thought Cookie Dough is made just like Hairballs?

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: Your lucky numbers are: Cat, Dog, Taiwan, 834, and 24.

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: 42.

Comments Comments Off on Your Cookies, Dey has been done for a whilez nao

Felorin has begun to shed, and it is driving Emerald Flame crazy.

“All day long I run through the house with a lint roller, chasing after his mangy hide!” she huffed, running a lint roller across her apron where Felorin had been lounging earlier. “I swear to the primes that if he doesn’t start taking care of this himself, I will have him SHAVED!”

Felorin has recently denied the attacks from certain sources which state the shedding is, in all actuality, stress related.

“It’s getting to be summertime, you know? And I’m just this cat, see?” he said, mixing up a drink while lounging by the pool.

Comments Comments Off on Felorin begins Shedding

You’ve all heard of Yiffing, right?

You haven’t?

Oh. You were just pulling my leg.

What? A come on? NO, that wasn’t a come on! UGH. You FurN goers are disgusssssting!

Anyway, there’s a new fetish sweeping FurN, and it has even begun making it’s way into Naia Green. (Brought there By Draconise, the Guardian, who seems to have started the trend.)

What is this fetish? Well, it’s pretty gross. It’s even worse than vore, in my opinion, because it doesn’t make any sense.

Cow Tipping.

I’m not going to go into the details here on how to do it, it is far too gruesome and disgusting. If you want the low-down, (and a practical demonstration), whisper Draconise. I hear he regularly engages in this obscene and frightful act with Opportunity, so she, too, could probably give you some information on the subject.

Comments Comments Off on New Fetish Sweeping FurN!

To be honest, we knew this day would come.

We’re victims of our own success, I guess, though we didn’t think it would happen this soon, it has. How frighteningly sorrowful this turn of events is.

To be slandered by a friend, to be taken out back, in the promise of good fortunes and faith…

Oh, how humbling it is, to feel the knife pierce your back; to hear a friend call down the wrath of Felorin in an attempt to have you cast aside from the face of Furcadia like so much garbage from a trash can…

As most of you know, KRAP, your friendly, really awesome paper, has come under fire from a competitor.

They’ve taken to using vile, distasteful tactics in an effort to win your readership. I am, of course, talking about The Underground.

It saddens me to say that I helped, however minutely, to bring this paper into existence. For that, you all have my most heartfelt apology. Please, forgive me what I did in a moment of weakness, and band together with us here at KRAP to move on, move forward, and press out our message of a better kind of journalism, one that our kids can grow up reading with pride!

Comments Comments Off on A day of sorrow.